Misadventures of a Terrible Wormholer pt.1

Once upon a time I was a newbie in EVE Online. We all were, and I make rookie mistakes, lost ships doing rookie things, and generally enjoyed my time at being bad at the game. Fast forward from 2006 to 2020 and I'm still bad at the game, just at a different level of bad. The game has changed by leaps and bounds since then. My love/hate relationship for the game, on the other hand, remains the same. So about a month and a half ago now I returned to the EVE Universe, for the 29th time or whatever the count is up to at this point, and my first order of business was to find a new corp. I've spent time in nearly all aspects of EVE space throughout the years. I've lived in four different nullsec regions (Vale of the Silent, Branch, Providence and Great Wildlands in order) as well as lowsec (some Amarr FW and some time in Domain and Derelik lowsec) and some wormhole living as well, primarily C4 or C5 holes.  I knew coming back there were three things I didn't want to do. First